Younger Than She Is

I find it fascinating that parenting becomes a battle of comparisons. All the time parents are asking each other whether their kid is walking yet, can they speak, how many teeth they have, are they toilet trained, yadda yadda. I take great delight in short circuiting their entire goal-setting system by blatantly, but sincerely, fabricating my daughter’s accomplishments and capabilities. Its evil, but quite amusing. For example, because our little girl is quite small for her age, I tell people that she is far younger than she actually is so that she looks incredibly advanced compared to other kids. I often take her to mingle with the 6 month old kids (she is currently 14 months but smaller than some of the “more well fed” kids) and when she stands up and starts walking around I say things like “I bought this experimental hormone online from China, it makes her nose bleed a lot, but oh man her little brain is really developing rapidly… you should see how well she can poop all on her own”. If I’m in a theatrical mood I’ll pull out a little bag of white powder (its actually just finely ground cashew nuts), carefully measure out a little spoonful and feed it to her. And let me tell you, this really turns some heads! Then I usually grab her by the hand and loudly announce that her guitar lessons are starting soon and that we have to go if she wants to keep up with the 2 year olds. That pretty much puts an end to all such conversations about developmental accomplishments and comparisons, letting us all get back to just being who we are without labels or judgements. After all, every little kid is perfect just the way they are, right?

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