Unfit. Embarrassingly So.

Apparently being unconscious in a pool of one’s own vomit in the middle of the Creekside Community Center gymnasium during a game of pick-up indoor soccer qualifies one for an emergency trip to the ER as well as being a free target for theĀ amused ridicule of a dozen middle-aged Mexicans, Brazilians and Eastern European men who think that my inability to run 2 lengths of a basketball court without passing out is worthy of hearty laughter and pantomimed re-enactment during their subsequent post-goal scoring celebration antics. I realised early in the game that my recent stint of fatherly inactivity (by recent, I mean the past year or so) had sapped the once-legendary (legendary in my mind, anyway) spring from my step, so I cleverly volunteered to stand in goal after each pathetic attempt at running and kicking the ball. I was soon found out for the slacker I was and forced to participate in actual movement, leading to my ultimate literal downfall. I did learn 2 fundamentally valuable lessons today which I plan to pass on to my daughter in earnest: 1) don’t eat 4 pieces of cheesecake immediately prior to playing indoor soccer; 2) ambulance rides are really cool. Oh, and vomiting is actually a really great ab workout! Brilliant!

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