Are Children Evil?

Philosophical question: Are children inherently evil? Some days I think yes. Today. I. Think. Yes. For the past few days, my daughter has decided that the demonic hour of 4-something o’clock in the morning is the perfect time to be inconsolably awake and upset and as loud as loud can be. That’s the evil part – she is fire alarm loud. If she had manners she would politely chirp like those cute little birds in the morning that we all love to wake up to. Oh how I long for a snooze button on my child. This morning I even tried yelling out “Just another 15 minutes goddamnit!” which actually momentarily confused her and halted the crying for a few precious seconds, but of course, like the old people in the supermarket who have their phones set to swiftly increase in volume from reasonable up to forgot-to-put-in-my-hearing-aid-this-morning levels, my daughter renewed her efforts with neighbours-are-gonna-hate-us gusto and vigour. Although now I come to think about it, we don’t like our neighbours because the ones downstairs play loud music every other weekend and the ones upstairs stomp around and pee loudly in the middle of the night. Maybe I’m being unfair on my daughter, perhaps her howling is just misunderstood petty vengence that she is attempting to extract on our inconsiderate neighbours on our behalf. Hmmm. That’s actually pretty evil.

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